This poetry highlights some of the battles we face in life, where we are torn in two directions. It is my attempt to capture the pain and anguish we face from our decisions and circumstances. There is not always an easy answer, but I believe there is always a right answer.
A Glint of Grace
The Black Knight
There’s a stirring in my heart
A match to push back the dark
A ray of hope, a glint of grace
Almost enough to see your face
Though my arms are bitter cold
My fingers crack instead of fold
I’ll find a purpose, a drive
To keep that tiny flame alive
Grace will feed the flame of faith
Until despair is left without a trace
And forgiveness shines through the night
Bringing warmth to end the frozen blight
The match may sputter and almost die
But hope grows under a watchful eye
Love is fostered by tender care
A growing flame in the icy air
As the flame burns ever brighter
Its dancing reaching continually higher
My heart will thaw from stone
And love may finally find its home
A gift so freely given undeserved
A whisper shouting to be heard
Will light a fire in my heart
And enable me to break through my dark
To reach out the hand of grace
And watch love finally find its place
A match to push back the dark
A ray of hope, a glint of grace
Almost enough to see your face
Though my arms are bitter cold
My fingers crack instead of fold
I’ll find a purpose, a drive
To keep that tiny flame alive
Grace will feed the flame of faith
Until despair is left without a trace
And forgiveness shines through the night
Bringing warmth to end the frozen blight
The match may sputter and almost die
But hope grows under a watchful eye
Love is fostered by tender care
A growing flame in the icy air
As the flame burns ever brighter
Its dancing reaching continually higher
My heart will thaw from stone
And love may finally find its home
A gift so freely given undeserved
A whisper shouting to be heard
Will light a fire in my heart
And enable me to break through my dark
To reach out the hand of grace
And watch love finally find its place
Afraid to Miss
The Black Knight
The battle is joined, the fight is on
Tried to save me but I was too far gone
Lost in the midst of a thousand nameless faces
Each man from countless different places
Screamed until I was hoarse
Got bad and gave them worse
Now as I lie here lost and alone
No place to call home
My life flashes before my eyes
A parody of living, of dying
A scripted verse, a planned piece
Each one had their lines, followed them perfectly
The only one I ever hurt was me
What is the meaning of it all if it comes down to this?
Why did l live afraid to miss?
And So We Pass
The Black Knight
And so we pass from light to dark
Searching for our invisible heart
Seeking the fulfillment of our soul
Always looking, never whole
My spirit broken, I cannot feel
My breath is lead, my blood is steel
My throat is raspy and dry
Puss oozes from one eye
Tis a sad, sorrowful state
When love is gone, replaced by hate
Tis a lonely, dreary place
As echoing footsteps measure a morbid pace
A broken man, here I lie
Waiting for tomorrow, waiting to die
I pray you won’t forget who I was
When I still had life, had love
Searching for our invisible heart
Seeking the fulfillment of our soul
Always looking, never whole
My spirit broken, I cannot feel
My breath is lead, my blood is steel
My throat is raspy and dry
Puss oozes from one eye
Tis a sad, sorrowful state
When love is gone, replaced by hate
Tis a lonely, dreary place
As echoing footsteps measure a morbid pace
A broken man, here I lie
Waiting for tomorrow, waiting to die
I pray you won’t forget who I was
When I still had life, had love
Bridge the Rift
There’s a stirring in my soul
A longing deep inside
Moved to patch the hole
I tore in my pride
But there’s nothing I can do
Each moment writ in stone
Lost to the tides of time
Lights fading, never again to shine
Ever the same, ungrateful drone
Running between us two
Gone are the moments I would amend
All too far, out of range, beyond the bend
Desires can’t change the past
Darkness will consume all that lasts
If we don’t bridge this rift
Soon before we waste the gift
A longing deep inside
Moved to patch the hole
I tore in my pride
But there’s nothing I can do
Each moment writ in stone
Lost to the tides of time
Lights fading, never again to shine
Ever the same, ungrateful drone
Running between us two
Gone are the moments I would amend
All too far, out of range, beyond the bend
Desires can’t change the past
Darkness will consume all that lasts
If we don’t bridge this rift
Soon before we waste the gift
Cream Sky
The Black Knight
I bid today good night
And sat beneath the sky
Bathed in vanilla twilight
As a tear slipped from my eye
A tear of joy for your path
A trail both straight and true
It’s everything that I could ask
More than I dared hope for you
A tear of sorrow for my loss
As distance separates our hearts
And shadows overtake the gloss
Of a daydream’s hopeful art
A the cream sky gives way to blue
And the stars twinkle brighter
I’ll sit here missing you
Grateful you focus higher
And sat beneath the sky
Bathed in vanilla twilight
As a tear slipped from my eye
A tear of joy for your path
A trail both straight and true
It’s everything that I could ask
More than I dared hope for you
A tear of sorrow for my loss
As distance separates our hearts
And shadows overtake the gloss
Of a daydream’s hopeful art
A the cream sky gives way to blue
And the stars twinkle brighter
I’ll sit here missing you
Grateful you focus higher
Confused
The Black Knight
You’ve left my heart reeling
And my head confused
I know how you must be feeling
With everything muddled, bemused.
Your heart beats with longing
As your mind screams “NO!”
Day is night and dusk the morning
Nothing is clear, you simply don’t know.
I wish I knew just what to say
To calm your heart and ease your mind
But I’m stumbling in the dark today
Hating loving cursing blessing time.
I know God will work it out in the end
But I fear for your journey
Unknown perils lurk beyond the bend
But the present is all we can truly see
I’ll be here to help along the road
Offering, holding out my hand
Though this journey is yours alone
Watching, counting the falling sand
Darkening All I See
The Black Knight
The bright lights and sterile floors
The stale air and glass doors
Haunting reminders of your end
Reminders pressing, closing in
The hushed voices and hurried steps
The anxious looks and the secrets kept
Broken reflections of possibilities
Reflections coloring, darkening all I see
The dark suits and black veils
The muted quiet and silent wails
Warning signs of your choice
Signs seeking, lacking voice
The hollow house and empty seat
The open floor and triple beat
Beautiful moments that couldn’t last
Moments, slipping, falling past
The stale air and glass doors
Haunting reminders of your end
Reminders pressing, closing in
The hushed voices and hurried steps
The anxious looks and the secrets kept
Broken reflections of possibilities
Reflections coloring, darkening all I see
The dark suits and black veils
The muted quiet and silent wails
Warning signs of your choice
Signs seeking, lacking voice
The hollow house and empty seat
The open floor and triple beat
Beautiful moments that couldn’t last
Moments, slipping, falling past
Deep Inside My Heart
The Black Knight
There’s a place inside my heart
A room where I rarely go
With candles flickering in the dark
And a window open to the snow
Books sit dusty on the walls
An unlit fire burns within the hearth
Footsteps echo in from the halls
Deep inside my heart
As I enter through the door
My heart begins to beat
Creaks resonate from the floor
The hardwood warms beneath my feet
A book calls from the shelf
A black the dust couldn’t stand
Blood-red the title reads “Secrets of Myself”
The book weighs heavy in my hand
Darkly begging to be read
I sit and turn the page
Each word writ in molten lead
As I read my soul begins to age
Each paragraph takes hours
While the black within me bleeds
My tongue swells and my saliva sours
My stomach churns the more I read
The echoing footsteps start closing in
And panic grips my heart
The candles succumb to the snowy wind
Plunging the room into dark
The footsteps keep drawing near
Dreading my unexpected guest
My eyes clench tight with fear
Clutching the black to my chest
The hardwood floor creaks
And the fireplace starts to spark
Too ashamed to look or even speak
I cower beneath the visitor to my heart
A hand on my shoulder
Restoring what I’ve lost
In my arms, my secrets start to smolder
And through the smoke I glimpse the cross
A room where I rarely go
With candles flickering in the dark
And a window open to the snow
Books sit dusty on the walls
An unlit fire burns within the hearth
Footsteps echo in from the halls
Deep inside my heart
As I enter through the door
My heart begins to beat
Creaks resonate from the floor
The hardwood warms beneath my feet
A book calls from the shelf
A black the dust couldn’t stand
Blood-red the title reads “Secrets of Myself”
The book weighs heavy in my hand
Darkly begging to be read
I sit and turn the page
Each word writ in molten lead
As I read my soul begins to age
Each paragraph takes hours
While the black within me bleeds
My tongue swells and my saliva sours
My stomach churns the more I read
The echoing footsteps start closing in
And panic grips my heart
The candles succumb to the snowy wind
Plunging the room into dark
The footsteps keep drawing near
Dreading my unexpected guest
My eyes clench tight with fear
Clutching the black to my chest
The hardwood floor creaks
And the fireplace starts to spark
Too ashamed to look or even speak
I cower beneath the visitor to my heart
A hand on my shoulder
Restoring what I’ve lost
In my arms, my secrets start to smolder
And through the smoke I glimpse the cross
Dying Inside
The Black Knight
My feet teeter on the bridge
My heart swings free on its hinge
The rushing river races below
Its grip emotionless cold
The far bank beckons to me
Welcoming my pride seductively
Its soft, safe caress
Conflict’s with the near banks test
Of selfless faithfulness and dignity
Crying out for the knight in me
I know what I ought to choose
But I fear, I’d hate to loose
The salve my ego craves
Her voice saying my name
I know I need to finish this test
To focus my mind and forget the rest
The near bank’s silence is deafening
And inside my heart screams
To be heard over, midst my pride
As my last vestiges of strength die
And as I sit in indecision
The chilling water’s on a mission
I know I must decide
Before I die inside
My heart swings free on its hinge
The rushing river races below
Its grip emotionless cold
The far bank beckons to me
Welcoming my pride seductively
Its soft, safe caress
Conflict’s with the near banks test
Of selfless faithfulness and dignity
Crying out for the knight in me
I know what I ought to choose
But I fear, I’d hate to loose
The salve my ego craves
Her voice saying my name
I know I need to finish this test
To focus my mind and forget the rest
The near bank’s silence is deafening
And inside my heart screams
To be heard over, midst my pride
As my last vestiges of strength die
And as I sit in indecision
The chilling water’s on a mission
I know I must decide
Before I die inside
Embrace
The Black Knight
Your outstretched arm waits patiently
As your eyes gaze up at me
I’m torn with indecision
To extend my hand and accept the embrace
Or watch the joy slowly fall from your face
Leaving behind a hope betrayed
You say that you still love me
When all I want is you to see
My heart’s given away
That no matter how you feel
My love’s already sealed
A promise can’t be broken
But therein my weakness lies
I crave the affection in your eyes
A dream unspoken
And so I’ll accept and hold you close
Even though you’re the one I’m hurting most
Lacking inhibition.
As your eyes gaze up at me
I’m torn with indecision
To extend my hand and accept the embrace
Or watch the joy slowly fall from your face
Leaving behind a hope betrayed
You say that you still love me
When all I want is you to see
My heart’s given away
That no matter how you feel
My love’s already sealed
A promise can’t be broken
But therein my weakness lies
I crave the affection in your eyes
A dream unspoken
And so I’ll accept and hold you close
Even though you’re the one I’m hurting most
Lacking inhibition.
Emptiness Inside
The Black Knight
The sun has set again
And I fear I’ll never see it rise
Drowning in my sin
Fighting the emptiness inside
There are no stars to light my way
No moon to lead me home
No words that you can say
To make me less alone
Owls screech in the dark
Searching for their prey
Coming after my hollow heart
Encased in this human clay
I shatter under their attack
A flurry of pain and agony
Claws reaching through my back
Blackness closes in on me
Thought it’s outside my chest
I feel every rip and tear
My heart whispers it might have been best
To never have even cared
And I fear I’ll never see it rise
Drowning in my sin
Fighting the emptiness inside
There are no stars to light my way
No moon to lead me home
No words that you can say
To make me less alone
Owls screech in the dark
Searching for their prey
Coming after my hollow heart
Encased in this human clay
I shatter under their attack
A flurry of pain and agony
Claws reaching through my back
Blackness closes in on me
Thought it’s outside my chest
I feel every rip and tear
My heart whispers it might have been best
To never have even cared
Endless Drop
The Black Knight
The unwavering sun beat down on me
Hazing everything I could see
The winding trail stretched beyond
Cutting its path miles long
I struggled doggedly toward the top
Couldn’t let the mountain win, couldn’t stop
Gasping in the thin air, my heart beat faster
Encouraged by the brook’s bubbling laughter
The billowing plains of clouds rolled in
Instantly chilling the sweat on my skin
Vapor wisps chased to and fro
Always running with nowhere to go
I stumbled on a rocky crag
The impact jarred through my leg
I caught myself just in time
My hand snagging on a rusted sign
Too old for me to read the words
Letters obliterated, erased, slurred
I squinted looking for the reason why
The sign was here, alone with rock and sky
Up there was only the mountain peak
But then I looked down, past my feet
And I knew why the sign was there
My toes were moments from empty air
Nothing in the abyss but clouds
Hiding mystery in its shroud
And so I stayed for hours on end
Ignoring the peak around the bend
I came to climb the mountain top
But my heart was stuck at the endless drop.
Hazing everything I could see
The winding trail stretched beyond
Cutting its path miles long
I struggled doggedly toward the top
Couldn’t let the mountain win, couldn’t stop
Gasping in the thin air, my heart beat faster
Encouraged by the brook’s bubbling laughter
The billowing plains of clouds rolled in
Instantly chilling the sweat on my skin
Vapor wisps chased to and fro
Always running with nowhere to go
I stumbled on a rocky crag
The impact jarred through my leg
I caught myself just in time
My hand snagging on a rusted sign
Too old for me to read the words
Letters obliterated, erased, slurred
I squinted looking for the reason why
The sign was here, alone with rock and sky
Up there was only the mountain peak
But then I looked down, past my feet
And I knew why the sign was there
My toes were moments from empty air
Nothing in the abyss but clouds
Hiding mystery in its shroud
And so I stayed for hours on end
Ignoring the peak around the bend
I came to climb the mountain top
But my heart was stuck at the endless drop.
Fade From Light
The Black Knight
My feet have sunk into the mire
And my feeble arms fail to pull me higher
The swamp pulls me ever down
Swallowed up by the ground
As its slimy jaws close over me
The light fades, I cannot see
My struggles grow steadily less
My strength fails this test
The rhythm of my heart slows
And with quiet acceptance I know
There is so little hope tonight
As my life fades from the light
And my feeble arms fail to pull me higher
The swamp pulls me ever down
Swallowed up by the ground
As its slimy jaws close over me
The light fades, I cannot see
My struggles grow steadily less
My strength fails this test
The rhythm of my heart slows
And with quiet acceptance I know
There is so little hope tonight
As my life fades from the light
Gave Away
The Black Knight
I lay there, slowly drifting
Into the realm of dreams, slowly sinking
My thoughts shattered and confused
My mind clouded and bemused
The world I built in pieces lay
Vaporizing like dew in May
Steaming, smoking, clouding, condescending
My hopes, my dreams... evaporating
I had known too little, I know too much
To ever feel sincerity in your touch
Broken and twisted, beaten and bruised
Me, you thought, yours to use
The love of my life gone
Actions and choices over and done
You gave it away for momentary pleasure
Gave away a gift priceless beyond measure
Identity
The Black Knight
I have a peace I can't explain
An identity, a name
I know now who I am
I've found where I stand
It's not a place I want to be
Not what I wanted to make of me
But you have shaped me in your mind
Bound me up and drawn the line
So I've finally found my place
Started to recognize my face
In my reflection In your eyes
I see the monster I hid inside
An identity, a name
I know now who I am
I've found where I stand
It's not a place I want to be
Not what I wanted to make of me
But you have shaped me in your mind
Bound me up and drawn the line
So I've finally found my place
Started to recognize my face
In my reflection In your eyes
I see the monster I hid inside
In All My Dark
The Black Knight
I stared down at my hands
Empty, they stared back at me
Rough and ugly from the land
Except a pale line where my ring used to be
Troubled I made a fist
As pain ripped through my soul
If only, my most fervent wish
I could have left her whole
These hands had held her tight
Pulled her to my side
As my heart gave way to night
Released the monster I tried to hide
I’d torn her life apart
With my empty promises and lies
And left behind a broken heart
Tears welling in her eyes
I couldn’t see, I hadn’t heard
Too focused on my pain
Her gentle, pleading words
Her lips forming my name
Ironic in all my dark
I sit here all alone
Broken, she left my heart
To a darkness I’ve never known.
Empty, they stared back at me
Rough and ugly from the land
Except a pale line where my ring used to be
Troubled I made a fist
As pain ripped through my soul
If only, my most fervent wish
I could have left her whole
These hands had held her tight
Pulled her to my side
As my heart gave way to night
Released the monster I tried to hide
I’d torn her life apart
With my empty promises and lies
And left behind a broken heart
Tears welling in her eyes
I couldn’t see, I hadn’t heard
Too focused on my pain
Her gentle, pleading words
Her lips forming my name
Ironic in all my dark
I sit here all alone
Broken, she left my heart
To a darkness I’ve never known.
In The Glass
The Black Knight
Looking through but I can't see past
The face watching in the glass
So similar and yet alien
I tilt my head, he raises his chin
But more than any feature in his face
His eyes nail me in place
All I can do is droop my head
Whizzing past, everything I ever did
Thoughts feelings words and deeds
Advice that I didn't heed
I can't resist his command
I make a fist, he clenches his hand
Staring into his eyes, I fail to see
All that others see in me
There dances a hungry flame
There echoes my empty name
His words seethe accusing anger
I listen, my heart's in danger
And so since I couldn't see past
I shattered the man in the glass.
The face watching in the glass
So similar and yet alien
I tilt my head, he raises his chin
But more than any feature in his face
His eyes nail me in place
All I can do is droop my head
Whizzing past, everything I ever did
Thoughts feelings words and deeds
Advice that I didn't heed
I can't resist his command
I make a fist, he clenches his hand
Staring into his eyes, I fail to see
All that others see in me
There dances a hungry flame
There echoes my empty name
His words seethe accusing anger
I listen, my heart's in danger
And so since I couldn't see past
I shattered the man in the glass.
Into the Night
The Black Knight
I walk alone of this battleground
Life, chaos hurtles around
I’m lost inside of me
My thoughts are all I see
My world teeters on the edge of a knife
On one side hope, on the other, strife
I’m dangling on this razor blade
As the night eclipses day
Too many options with no choices
Too much noise without any voices
I cannot see, cannot hear
What’s close is far and distant, near
I can feel You all around me
But I can’t sense Your clarity
The battle rages on outside
But all I can do is hide
Hide from my confusion, my fear
Hide it from those I hold dear
So they won’t have to feel my pain
So for them it’s all the same
But it’s not the same, nothing’s right
As I fall ever further into the night
Life, chaos hurtles around
I’m lost inside of me
My thoughts are all I see
My world teeters on the edge of a knife
On one side hope, on the other, strife
I’m dangling on this razor blade
As the night eclipses day
Too many options with no choices
Too much noise without any voices
I cannot see, cannot hear
What’s close is far and distant, near
I can feel You all around me
But I can’t sense Your clarity
The battle rages on outside
But all I can do is hide
Hide from my confusion, my fear
Hide it from those I hold dear
So they won’t have to feel my pain
So for them it’s all the same
But it’s not the same, nothing’s right
As I fall ever further into the night
Lived and Died
The Black Knight
Look where there fog has rolled in
The horizon where all color ends
There, the last hue you see
The ruddied rock stands, plaguing me
It was there my heart lived and died
There, where we sat side by side
As the light faded and the stars came out
Then, in that moment, I lost all doubt
Beneath that distant red formation
In a moment without hesitation
My heart sang unhindered and free
To the precious girl next to me
The extent of that joy I’d never known
Never before tasted nor called my own
And as that moment continued into night
It was the happiest moment of my life
But in this tortured world, perfection cannot last
That joy, that life I felt, faded, faded fast
Six weeks later, almost to the day
Under that stony sentinel and sky of grey
My heart was dashed upon the rock
Shattered by the hurt and shock
Of love’s unexplained disappearance
And sorrow’s unforgiven penitence
Tears poured down from heaven
As my heart, my soul was lost within
The darkness I hold inside
Born under the rock where I lived and died.
The horizon where all color ends
There, the last hue you see
The ruddied rock stands, plaguing me
It was there my heart lived and died
There, where we sat side by side
As the light faded and the stars came out
Then, in that moment, I lost all doubt
Beneath that distant red formation
In a moment without hesitation
My heart sang unhindered and free
To the precious girl next to me
The extent of that joy I’d never known
Never before tasted nor called my own
And as that moment continued into night
It was the happiest moment of my life
But in this tortured world, perfection cannot last
That joy, that life I felt, faded, faded fast
Six weeks later, almost to the day
Under that stony sentinel and sky of grey
My heart was dashed upon the rock
Shattered by the hurt and shock
Of love’s unexplained disappearance
And sorrow’s unforgiven penitence
Tears poured down from heaven
As my heart, my soul was lost within
The darkness I hold inside
Born under the rock where I lived and died.
My Dear...
The Black Knight
It was the best of years
It was the worst of years
I’ve never been happier
I’ve never hurt more
I feel in love
And my heart was broken
I promised the world
And left my pain unspoken
I held the moon
And sought her heart
Now I’m left forgotten
Abandoned to my dark
Her hand wrapped in mine
Her lips on my cheek
The sparkle in her eyes
I’ve never felt so string, so weak
The pain in her voice
The anger in her words
Her actions reveal her choice
My wrongs remain unheard
I soared over the world
A fiery streak through the sky
From the heights my life was hurled
Falling, waiting to die
Money does not satisfy
Flowers wilt and fade
Light dims from the eye
And night overshadows day
I’m left alone with the memories
Of time spent well
But they haunt my sleep
And condemn my dreams to hell
So as the year flies away
I wish you ever well
May the bad fade away
And leave you only good my dear…
It was the worst of years
I’ve never been happier
I’ve never hurt more
I feel in love
And my heart was broken
I promised the world
And left my pain unspoken
I held the moon
And sought her heart
Now I’m left forgotten
Abandoned to my dark
Her hand wrapped in mine
Her lips on my cheek
The sparkle in her eyes
I’ve never felt so string, so weak
The pain in her voice
The anger in her words
Her actions reveal her choice
My wrongs remain unheard
I soared over the world
A fiery streak through the sky
From the heights my life was hurled
Falling, waiting to die
Money does not satisfy
Flowers wilt and fade
Light dims from the eye
And night overshadows day
I’m left alone with the memories
Of time spent well
But they haunt my sleep
And condemn my dreams to hell
So as the year flies away
I wish you ever well
May the bad fade away
And leave you only good my dear…
Never Find
The Black Knight
I’m searching for an answer
I fear I’ll never find
Buried in the depths,
Locked within her mind
An inquiry of betrayal
A memory to be forgot
A friendships deepest pain
A romance turned to not
The question burns within my heart
The focus of my eye
I’ll search till the world goes blind
And still I’ll be asking “Why?”
I fear I’ll never find
Buried in the depths,
Locked within her mind
An inquiry of betrayal
A memory to be forgot
A friendships deepest pain
A romance turned to not
The question burns within my heart
The focus of my eye
I’ll search till the world goes blind
And still I’ll be asking “Why?”
Never Given Again
The Black Knight
My world comes crashing down
I listen, deafened by the sound
Cries in the dead of night
Shrieks as my soul loses its fight
Anguish burns where my heart used to beat
Burning stakes rammed through my feet
My hands are tied behind my back
Forced to watch, I start to crack
Words slip out here and there
The hiss of my tongue rattles through the air
As I speak the venom drips
Through scars in my cracked and bleeding lips
The cord around my wrists starts to burn
Eager for violence, my clawing fingers churn
The rope snaps, my hands are free
To lay waste to everything before me
I rip into those close by
Those who survived the snake's eye
I claw what I cannot tear
Ribbons of skin, flesh, and hair
In the middle of this bloody carnage
Is chained a creature made with rage
And though he once had a name
It will never be given to him again
I listen, deafened by the sound
Cries in the dead of night
Shrieks as my soul loses its fight
Anguish burns where my heart used to beat
Burning stakes rammed through my feet
My hands are tied behind my back
Forced to watch, I start to crack
Words slip out here and there
The hiss of my tongue rattles through the air
As I speak the venom drips
Through scars in my cracked and bleeding lips
The cord around my wrists starts to burn
Eager for violence, my clawing fingers churn
The rope snaps, my hands are free
To lay waste to everything before me
I rip into those close by
Those who survived the snake's eye
I claw what I cannot tear
Ribbons of skin, flesh, and hair
In the middle of this bloody carnage
Is chained a creature made with rage
And though he once had a name
It will never be given to him again
Pandora's Box
The Black Knight
That sweetened sickly scent
Wafts through the hazy air
Permeating my world
As I'm sitting there
Cloying in my nostrils
And scratching on my mind
The haze turns dark around me
Seeing though my eyes are blind
I see a candle in the night
Smell the evening breeze
Feel your hands on mine
As you look up on your knees
The question hangs in the air
And the hug never ends
Your eyes sparkle in the light
I saw perfection then
But the crystal glass shattered
And with it so did my heart
The truth you tried to hide
Left me in the dark
Silently I watched
The candles floating by
Stoically I listened
But never heard you cry
Pity is too much to hope
Compassion is beyond your grasp
We seal it off, sever it
Forgetting all that's past
But in that Pandora's box of hurt
Where my heart lies beating faintly
Your picture lives forever on
Locked, sealed, tucked away safely
Wafts through the hazy air
Permeating my world
As I'm sitting there
Cloying in my nostrils
And scratching on my mind
The haze turns dark around me
Seeing though my eyes are blind
I see a candle in the night
Smell the evening breeze
Feel your hands on mine
As you look up on your knees
The question hangs in the air
And the hug never ends
Your eyes sparkle in the light
I saw perfection then
But the crystal glass shattered
And with it so did my heart
The truth you tried to hide
Left me in the dark
Silently I watched
The candles floating by
Stoically I listened
But never heard you cry
Pity is too much to hope
Compassion is beyond your grasp
We seal it off, sever it
Forgetting all that's past
But in that Pandora's box of hurt
Where my heart lies beating faintly
Your picture lives forever on
Locked, sealed, tucked away safely
Reeling
The Black Knight
My head is hurting My heart confused
Love has left me reeling
Torn about by this feeling
So many paths to choose
But only one that's right
So much to gain, to lose
My love is a burning fuse
The flames are blinding bright
As danger looms ahead
I'm lost in an endless night
Unsure which battles are mine to fight
Fear attacks, strikes me dead
Paralyzed - blood is all I taste
I replay my actions in my head
Listen to everything I've said
Were my deeds born in haste?
Where is the truth in this?
Have my words laid to waste
The hope of a beauty, young and chaste?
To know the what's true is my fervent wish
My urgent cry and plea
To anchor what's been set adrift
To attend what I've always missed
And so I cry out from my knees
Asking, searching, seeking
"Lord turn Your face to me
May Your glory be all I see."
Love has left me reeling
Torn about by this feeling
So many paths to choose
But only one that's right
So much to gain, to lose
My love is a burning fuse
The flames are blinding bright
As danger looms ahead
I'm lost in an endless night
Unsure which battles are mine to fight
Fear attacks, strikes me dead
Paralyzed - blood is all I taste
I replay my actions in my head
Listen to everything I've said
Were my deeds born in haste?
Where is the truth in this?
Have my words laid to waste
The hope of a beauty, young and chaste?
To know the what's true is my fervent wish
My urgent cry and plea
To anchor what's been set adrift
To attend what I've always missed
And so I cry out from my knees
Asking, searching, seeking
"Lord turn Your face to me
May Your glory be all I see."
Secrets In The Night
The Black Knight
I wish I could show you tonight
Everything I feel
Lead you toward the light
As my secrets are revealed
And as the truth blinds your eyes
As the falsehoods fall away
When I take off my disguise
Our friendship would live in the light of day
But I can't let down my guard
Loose my arrows toward your sky
Let you in my heart
Or look you in the eye
Too much is in the way tonight
To show you how I feel
And so the moment fades from light
And nothing is revealed.
Everything I feel
Lead you toward the light
As my secrets are revealed
And as the truth blinds your eyes
As the falsehoods fall away
When I take off my disguise
Our friendship would live in the light of day
But I can't let down my guard
Loose my arrows toward your sky
Let you in my heart
Or look you in the eye
Too much is in the way tonight
To show you how I feel
And so the moment fades from light
And nothing is revealed.
Shells of What You Hoped
The Black Knight
There’s a hollow ringing sound
Whenever you come around
I want to hear what you’re saying
But I keep asking when will I be paying
Paying for time spent with you
Paying for the memories that once were new
Paying for the heart that I invested
Paying for the heart I thought I protected
Time heals all wounds
That’s what they say
But right now is just too soon
For you to come my way
I thought I asked for time
I hoped you’d respect that line
But all I hear is a ringing in my ears
My dreams give way to my darkest fears
Your words echo hollow, empty
Shells of what you hoped they’d be
Whenever you come around
I want to hear what you’re saying
But I keep asking when will I be paying
Paying for time spent with you
Paying for the memories that once were new
Paying for the heart that I invested
Paying for the heart I thought I protected
Time heals all wounds
That’s what they say
But right now is just too soon
For you to come my way
I thought I asked for time
I hoped you’d respect that line
But all I hear is a ringing in my ears
My dreams give way to my darkest fears
Your words echo hollow, empty
Shells of what you hoped they’d be
Such a Quiet Thing
The Black Knight
"It is such a quiet thing to fall"
Morals withered and blown away
Empty hands that held and lost it all
A tongue left with nothing to say
It wasn’t always like this
There used to be something more
I once was able to fight this
Instead of lying beaten on the floor
For a time I tamed my hate
Controlled my anger, restored my name
But when I thought I ruled my fate
In that moment, something changed
The way she looked at me
The person in the mirror
The color of the world that I see
The warmth of love, the smell of fear
Her eyes, once bright, fading slowly
Focused love eclipsed by pent up energy
A hero, a knight, dying quietly
Passion’s purpose giving way to bitter envy
My vision, my sight darkening
Joy’s happy light shut out by hatred’s hardening
The bitter cold of the night seeping rapidly
The reek of fear enveloping me
Days, weeks, months flew by
I hid behind my mask
The demons filled my sky
And my charade couldn’t last
Where once a man stood tall
Now cowers a boyish snippet
"It is such a quiet thing to fall
Far more terrible to admit it"
Morals withered and blown away
Empty hands that held and lost it all
A tongue left with nothing to say
It wasn’t always like this
There used to be something more
I once was able to fight this
Instead of lying beaten on the floor
For a time I tamed my hate
Controlled my anger, restored my name
But when I thought I ruled my fate
In that moment, something changed
The way she looked at me
The person in the mirror
The color of the world that I see
The warmth of love, the smell of fear
Her eyes, once bright, fading slowly
Focused love eclipsed by pent up energy
A hero, a knight, dying quietly
Passion’s purpose giving way to bitter envy
My vision, my sight darkening
Joy’s happy light shut out by hatred’s hardening
The bitter cold of the night seeping rapidly
The reek of fear enveloping me
Days, weeks, months flew by
I hid behind my mask
The demons filled my sky
And my charade couldn’t last
Where once a man stood tall
Now cowers a boyish snippet
"It is such a quiet thing to fall
Far more terrible to admit it"
Surrendered
The Black Knight
Even though the darkness surrounds
Viscous, cloying, resinous
Even though I can’t see the ground
Lost, alone in my residence
You are a constant in my mind
Near despite the space and time
My world has never felt so small
A shattering of what I knew
Running without moving at all
I desperately need to trust you
Even, especially when chaos calls
Gone is my sense of safety
All that’s left is emptiness
Days marked by jeopardy
Dusk when my hope contests
In every second, every hour
Surrendered to Your steadfast power
Viscous, cloying, resinous
Even though I can’t see the ground
Lost, alone in my residence
You are a constant in my mind
Near despite the space and time
My world has never felt so small
A shattering of what I knew
Running without moving at all
I desperately need to trust you
Even, especially when chaos calls
Gone is my sense of safety
All that’s left is emptiness
Days marked by jeopardy
Dusk when my hope contests
In every second, every hour
Surrendered to Your steadfast power
Take Me (Far From Here)
The Black Knight
Take me where I can run away
Where the sun has set today
Take me where I can’t see
All my failures staring back at me
Take me where I can fly
Out of this war torn sky
Take me where I can smile
Forget my imperfections for a while
Take me where there is no pain
Where I’ll never hear my fallen name
Take me far from here
Someplace I’ll never be near
Where the sun has set today
Take me where I can’t see
All my failures staring back at me
Take me where I can fly
Out of this war torn sky
Take me where I can smile
Forget my imperfections for a while
Take me where there is no pain
Where I’ll never hear my fallen name
Take me far from here
Someplace I’ll never be near
Tears You Cried
The Black Knight
The ticking clock is a comfort
Reminding me I'm alive
And no matter hard hard I try
I can't hold back time.
I wish I could give you back
All the moments I stole away
Relive the times we shared
Knowing what I know today
But the past can't be changed
And we were both too blind to see
This foundation couldn't hold
The promises we made so foolishly
And as our friendship fell
My heart broke inside
I tried to hold what we had
Tired to wipe away the tears you cried
In my arrogance I didn't know
In my pride I couldn't see
The reason for your weeping
The tears you cried were because of me
Standing here I watched you run
Your light slowly faded, leaving me my dark
Look back you were right to leave
And wise to guard your heart
But as I stand here all alone
I wish that you could see
One lonely candle inside my heart
A constant vigil in your memory
Reminding me I'm alive
And no matter hard hard I try
I can't hold back time.
I wish I could give you back
All the moments I stole away
Relive the times we shared
Knowing what I know today
But the past can't be changed
And we were both too blind to see
This foundation couldn't hold
The promises we made so foolishly
And as our friendship fell
My heart broke inside
I tried to hold what we had
Tired to wipe away the tears you cried
In my arrogance I didn't know
In my pride I couldn't see
The reason for your weeping
The tears you cried were because of me
Standing here I watched you run
Your light slowly faded, leaving me my dark
Look back you were right to leave
And wise to guard your heart
But as I stand here all alone
I wish that you could see
One lonely candle inside my heart
A constant vigil in your memory
Tempest
The Black Knight
The rain keeps pouring down
As the thunder rattles through the ground
The clouds flash and crash together
As the earth surrenders to the weather
Water rushes through the gully
Washing what the dirt had sullied
Breaking against the tallest trees
Pounding like the angry sea
White caps form and breach
An angry, desperate speech
Crying out against the norm
Against the thoughtless sinful form
That we’ve accepted and embraced
Idling despite its quickened pace
As it laid a stronghold deep
Marring my thoughts and sleep
And now this tempest swirls
A barrage against the cruel world
Blithe in my passivity
A poison slowly, surely killing me
A figure solitary before the wave
A heart open, lying in its grave
So the choice to make is mine
As the world ends my time
Do I stand before the flow?
Or to Hades with my soul?
As the thunder rattles through the ground
The clouds flash and crash together
As the earth surrenders to the weather
Water rushes through the gully
Washing what the dirt had sullied
Breaking against the tallest trees
Pounding like the angry sea
White caps form and breach
An angry, desperate speech
Crying out against the norm
Against the thoughtless sinful form
That we’ve accepted and embraced
Idling despite its quickened pace
As it laid a stronghold deep
Marring my thoughts and sleep
And now this tempest swirls
A barrage against the cruel world
Blithe in my passivity
A poison slowly, surely killing me
A figure solitary before the wave
A heart open, lying in its grave
So the choice to make is mine
As the world ends my time
Do I stand before the flow?
Or to Hades with my soul?
The Moon
The Black Knight
I held the moon
And sought her heart
Felt her reflection
Dispel my dark
Gazed in her eyes
Beheld her beauty
But someway, somehow
I was too blind to see
I took fuel from her fire
And she was burning out
Her light was growing dimmer
Eclipsed behind my cloud
And sought her heart
Felt her reflection
Dispel my dark
Gazed in her eyes
Beheld her beauty
But someway, somehow
I was too blind to see
I took fuel from her fire
And she was burning out
Her light was growing dimmer
Eclipsed behind my cloud
The War's Begun
The Black Knight
Anger courses as acid through my veins
As forgiveness mends what I’ve maimed
The fiery rage of my failing
The gentle rain of Your grace
Righting what I left ailing
As tears stream down my face
There is nothing that can change the past
Sin is sin till the last
The battle’s lost, the war’s begun
My bloodied armor clean again
Though the war will be won
There’s still a stronghold to defend
I will stand on truth, fight for Light
As You strengthen me through the night
As forgiveness mends what I’ve maimed
The fiery rage of my failing
The gentle rain of Your grace
Righting what I left ailing
As tears stream down my face
There is nothing that can change the past
Sin is sin till the last
The battle’s lost, the war’s begun
My bloodied armor clean again
Though the war will be won
There’s still a stronghold to defend
I will stand on truth, fight for Light
As You strengthen me through the night
The Wind
The Black Knight
“Who am I?” he cried out hopelessly
His only answer the wind in the trees
The night pressed in all around
Darkness crept into his bones
The thundering storm was gaining ground
And he found himself alone
“Why me? Why here? Why now?”
The wind whipped the leaves off the ground
The trees shook with urgency
As the rain started pouring down
Lightning flashed, he couldn’t see
And his hope began to drown
“I’m not who you think I am, the person that you see”
And in reply the wind screeched hauntingly
The storm began to clear
But the sky stayed ever dark
One could nearly smell the fear
The storm was in his heart
“Who am I?” he cried aloud
The wind in the trees the only sound
His only answer the wind in the trees
The night pressed in all around
Darkness crept into his bones
The thundering storm was gaining ground
And he found himself alone
“Why me? Why here? Why now?”
The wind whipped the leaves off the ground
The trees shook with urgency
As the rain started pouring down
Lightning flashed, he couldn’t see
And his hope began to drown
“I’m not who you think I am, the person that you see”
And in reply the wind screeched hauntingly
The storm began to clear
But the sky stayed ever dark
One could nearly smell the fear
The storm was in his heart
“Who am I?” he cried aloud
The wind in the trees the only sound
Unspoken Fear
The Black Knight
My heart aches from hope delayed
A longing where a smile stayed
Ragged breaths in and out
In between tears and shouts
All I thought I knew has changed
Gone what had always stayed the same
Rolling down my cheek - a tear
A lonely crystal, an unspoken fear
Capturing what I never knew
Excruciating apart from you
Keening for what I never had
Rending where I should be glad
Everything I have is loss
To know the power of the Cross
Christ, help me now to see
How You’re leading me
Make my heart beat again
A beat that will never end
Never falter, only mend
A longing where a smile stayed
Ragged breaths in and out
In between tears and shouts
All I thought I knew has changed
Gone what had always stayed the same
Rolling down my cheek - a tear
A lonely crystal, an unspoken fear
Capturing what I never knew
Excruciating apart from you
Keening for what I never had
Rending where I should be glad
Everything I have is loss
To know the power of the Cross
Christ, help me now to see
How You’re leading me
Make my heart beat again
A beat that will never end
Never falter, only mend
When You Said Forever
The Black Knight
When you said forever
Forever’s what I heard
I didn’t realize that
There were two meanings of that word
When you said it’s forgiven
I guess I thought I knew
That forgiveness went two ways
When you hurt me and I hurt you
When you said I love you
My heart leaped in my chest
But now I wish you hadn’t seen me
That I would just blend in with the rest
When you said forever
Forever’s a long long time
To work out our grievances
And make this friendship shine
Forever’s what I heard
I didn’t realize that
There were two meanings of that word
When you said it’s forgiven
I guess I thought I knew
That forgiveness went two ways
When you hurt me and I hurt you
When you said I love you
My heart leaped in my chest
But now I wish you hadn’t seen me
That I would just blend in with the rest
When you said forever
Forever’s a long long time
To work out our grievances
And make this friendship shine
Where We Are
The Black Knight
I dropped my guard
And un-walled my heart
Let you see
Inside of me
Even though I wasn’t sure
I trusted your word
That you wouldn’t leave
That you’d stay by me
So where are you now?
I’ve seen your tears
And know your fears
I’ve held your hand
Known your sin
Even when you weren’t sure
I gave you my word
I promised I would never go
Promised you would never be alone
So where am I now?
And un-walled my heart
Let you see
Inside of me
Even though I wasn’t sure
I trusted your word
That you wouldn’t leave
That you’d stay by me
So where are you now?
I’ve seen your tears
And know your fears
I’ve held your hand
Known your sin
Even when you weren’t sure
I gave you my word
I promised I would never go
Promised you would never be alone
So where am I now?
Will You
The Black Knight
If I go crazy, will you still call me Knight
Battered and bruised,
Torn and confused?
If I lose control will you stand and fight
Though the battle is long
And all hope is gone?
I’ll keep you by my side with all my might
To the point where it hurts
Where it couldn’t hurt worse
But ultimately you have to choose what you think is right
And decided, stand tall
It’s everything or nothing at all
Battered and bruised,
Torn and confused?
If I lose control will you stand and fight
Though the battle is long
And all hope is gone?
I’ll keep you by my side with all my might
To the point where it hurts
Where it couldn’t hurt worse
But ultimately you have to choose what you think is right
And decided, stand tall
It’s everything or nothing at all
Window to the Soul I & II
The Black Knight
Two jewels glisten in the night
One deep, dark and dashing
A russet wonder, a beautiful sight
In the dimmest glow, sparkling
Never a moment dull
Dancing with unquenchable glee
Never a minute still
Your eyes have captivated me
Yet another gem remains
This a window to your soul
Reflecting joys and pains
These eyes make you whole
Chocolate twirls of life well lived
Spiraling to coffee swirls
Happiness to pain, all you have to give
These eyes reveal your world
Emotions miles deep
Spectral caves
Where magic sleeps
Oceans resound, crashing with waves
My own gaze mesmerized
Caught in the beauty of your eyes.
But wait, the jewels change
Swirls of agony, of pain
The caves come crashing down
A lion’s roar resounds
Spiraling still, fast, ever faster
Red rimmed and headed toward disaster
The reflection of serenity dashed
A tranquil pool suddenly splashed
Revealing shatters of glass
Under which a hurting soul passed
Hidden again behind the smoke
When you cry, your tears choke
So pretend everything is fine
But those jewels will never again fool mine
The pain inside
Eating your soul alive
I try to tear myself away
Try to ease your pain, search for something to say
But my own gaze is mesmerized
Captured in the horror of your eyes.
Yet to Find
The Black Knight
My world keeps spinning down
Ever twirling, never slowing down
Fearful that when I slow
My life will come crashing down
There are feelings I don’t want to know
Places in my heart I’m loathe to go
Buried just beneath my skin
Is a monster I don’t want to show
Diving straight into the wind
Trusting I can find my way again
Anything to pass the time
Any path leading to the end
Though I may have lost my mind
Abandoned sanity, crossed that line
Listen close, hear me now
There’s a pearl I’ve yet to find
Ever twirling, never slowing down
Fearful that when I slow
My life will come crashing down
There are feelings I don’t want to know
Places in my heart I’m loathe to go
Buried just beneath my skin
Is a monster I don’t want to show
Diving straight into the wind
Trusting I can find my way again
Anything to pass the time
Any path leading to the end
Though I may have lost my mind
Abandoned sanity, crossed that line
Listen close, hear me now
There’s a pearl I’ve yet to find
