I know you might not believe me by the end of this letter, but I write to you out of my respect for who you are. And, equally as much out of my respect for who your girlfriend is as well.
Man up.
Have you met your girlfriend? I want to tell you a little about her. She's funny. She's beautiful - inside and out. She's smart. She appreciates you. She's a kind, caring, and compassionate young lady. And, more important than anything else, she's a daughter of the King of kings and Lord of lords.
You are dating one of the most amazing young ladies I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Have you told her that recently? Have you told her that she's amazing? Have you shown her that you recognize how precious she is? Have you reminded yourself that you are pursuing the heart of someone precious? Have you made an active effort to cherish her?
I am afraid that I know the answer to all of my questions. See, as a guy I know that guys tend to be simple creatures in some ways. If we value someone, our actions reveal that. And our actions in public are but echoes of our actions in private.
No, I haven't been privy to any of your conversations with your girlfriend. I have seen you interact with her. It's clear that you like her. But you also like sports, food, getting good grades, your dog, your friends. Liking isn't enough when it comes to a gift as precious, fragile, and valuable as the heart of a lady. It's a start but if you don't cherish her, cherish her heart, then you have no business pursuing her heart.
I promise you that when you truly cherish her heart, that it will show in your words and actions. I don't know what it will look like, after all you are both incredibly unique and your relationship is equally as unique. Maybe it will be a sunrise breakfast, maybe it will be an action movie for Valentine's Day, maybe it will be a single rose on your seven months and three days anniversary.
But here's a secret - it doesn't matter what it is. As complicated and confusing as women are, they are rather simple in a handful of ways. And this is one of them. Show her that you cherish her, that you're studying her and trying to understand her, and she will appreciate whatever you do. It's more about the thought and intentionality than anything else.
Man up.
I tell you to man up out of a desire for you to grow too. Yes, your girlfriend is important and she deserves to be treated right. But you are important too. You are a son of the King of kings and Lord of lords.
God speaks to His sons as men, whether His sons can handle it or not. Job - sick and depressed - was called out by God to answer face to face. Moses had to face God after losing his temper and hitting the rock with his staff. Saul, later Paul, was blinded by God's glory on the road to Damascus to persecute God's children. Peter was asked three times if he loved Christ after denying Him three times. David had to answer to God's prophet for his indiscretion with Bathsheba.
In all of those cases, God corrected His sons' behavior and it wasn't always pleasant. Sometimes the consequences were permanent, but every time there were consequences. But God loved His sons too much to let them stay in the wrong.
The way you're treating your girlfriend now will have consequences. You are taking her for granted and at the very least owe her an apology. But the consequences might be more severe and permanent than simply an uncomfortable conversation, an admission that you were wrong, and a commitment to change. You might lose her forever if you stick on the path you're on now.
So it is out of my desire to see my sister in Christ treated right, out of my desire to see you grow out of boyhood that I say this to you.
Man up.
Courage and strength,
The Black Knight