Today I ran into all four of those pretty much all at the same time. Memories and thoughts of what if and hypothetically reminded me of why I hold some of the convictions I do. See, I believe that loving someone means making yourself vulnerable. But I also believe that with every person you love you both gain something and lose something. The loss comes from both the vulnerability and your recognition of their worth.
We, as fallen humans, are hard pressed to love someone without reason. Maybe you could make an argument for parents and their unborn children. (But I'd counter that there's also a chemical reaction going on there to reinforce and strengthen the unmerited love). But, when it comes to people we meet as adults, we tend to only allow ourselves to love someone purposefully if we find reason to. In general we don't treat strangers the same way we treat our friends and family. There is a circle of trust that we (wisely) don't let everyone into until they have earned it.
When we do finally welcome a friend into our confidence and decide, choose to love them, it's a merited response to their trustworthiness. And probably a few other qualities to help two sinful personalities interact reasonably well. We don't allow just anyone in - it's a position that is given only to those who we trust.
But what happens when that level of trust goes away? For whatever reason - a break up, a broken promise, a betrayal - is there a common, core, base consequence when someone leaves our trust for any reason?
Often times we hear from our friends remaining that the person who left is missing out, that it's their loss. And given the God given worth of every individual, I am inclined to agree with that. But, God given worth isn't just something we see in the mirror. Every person in our circle of trust has the same God given worth that we do. And, if we've let them into our confidence, we have ascribed to them self-given worth as well.
When they leave our trust, yes, they have lost something...but so have we. We have lost the camaraderie with an image bearer of the Almighty God who we saw value and worth in. The loss is on both sides in every breaking of a friendship. To not recognize it's dual nature will skew our vision. We will either let pride color our actions and view ourselves as entirely in the right instead of learning from our mistakes. Or we will wrongly shoulder all the blame and beat ourselves up over something that is not our burden to bear.
Yet in the middle ground - acknowledging the loss and pain on both sides - I think we find a healthy response. Their loss is a reminder of our own self worth apart from what any mere mortal says about us. We are given our worth, our identity by the Sovereign King of kings and Lord of lords Himself. No human can add to or take away from that truth. But our loss reminds us that mourning is okay, that vulnerability goes hand in hand with true love.